What Is Trauma and Do I Have It?

Trauma, or traumatic experiences shape those unconscious beliefs and leave our nervous systems rigid,...

I think of life as being like the ocean. There are ebbs and flows, sometimes it’s smooth sailing, sometimes the waves can be rough, and there are times when we can feel totally out of our depth, overwhelmed by the swirling storm around us. How we cope within those ebbs and flows, navigate the depths, embrace the smooth sailing days is determined by our unconscious beliefs, flexibility of our nervous systems and the level of support we have around us.

Trauma, or traumatic experiences shape those unconscious beliefs and leave our nervous systems rigid, leaving us untrusting and unable to access or maintain supportive relationships.

If one bad thing happened one time, we can have what’s known as post-traumatic stress, we may have moments of re-experiencing the bad thing, a memory will come in when we don't want it to. We may find ourselves panicked by any cues that remind us of the bad thing and try to get away from them and stay away from them. And we can continually feel like something bad is about to happen. Again, this is like the after effects of a bad thing happening once.

But if bad things happening became the ocean we swam in, we end up with complex PTSD. So we have the intrusive memories, and we try to stay away from reminder cues, and there’s the sense that everything is under threat. With C-PTSD we may also have difficulty being emotionally balanced, we might dissociate, feel numb, have a strong startle reflex, or we may have an underlying sense or belief that we're bad or worthless or a failure. And if it's hard to feel connected to other people and to stay connected to other people, then those are all indications that we're actually working with complex post-traumatic stress.

What might those ‘bad’ things look like?

There are things known as big Ts and little ts. Big Ts (traumatic events) are big ‘obvious’ events such as a child being abused, violence in the family, or the loss of a parent, a serious car accident for example.

Little ts, or small ‘t’ traumas are more prevalent and common in our society. They often go un-noticed, ignored or considered ‘all just part of life’ so ‘hurry up and get over it.’ Only we don’t. Our bodies and unconscious minds hold the memories and we exhibit those memories through our words and actions.

Little ‘t’ traumas can be bullying by peers, the casual but repeated harsh comments of a parent or older sibling, lack of sufficient or consistent emotional availability or connection with nurturing adults during our childhoods, the continued experience of not being seen or accepted, of being told we are ‘too sensitive’ or the family system not acknowledging that our needs matter, or the family system running a pattern of favouritism for one child while scapegoating another.

And then there are the traumas inflicted by a society determined to keep the trauma cycle turning and churning. Institutional and systemic racism (and to be clear – you DO NOT experience racism if you are part of the dominant culture). Systemic sexism. Systemic acceptance of the blaming and shaming of groups within society with less resource, less wealth. Poverty, discrimination, community disruption, lack of opportunity, economic mobility, and social capital, housing quality and affordability - each different kind of difficult experience leaves a different mark on our brain structure, function and connectivity.

“Trauma is about a loss of connection – to ourselves, our families, and the world around us. The loss is hard to recognise because it happens slowly over time.” Peter Levene.

A loss of connection to ourselves.

A loss of connection to our families.

A loss of connection to the world around us.

Trauma is suppressed and buried in our bodies. It’s the result of distressing events that affect our inner world and everyone’s experience of trauma is unique, influenced by factors such as previous experiences, resilience, epigenetics and vulnerability (how much power and agency you have within a situation).

Vulnerability, especially in childhood, is a significant indicator of potential long-lasting trauma, as children lack the resources and support that adults have.

What does trauma look like?

The effects of trauma can manifest in various ways:

Hello anxiety, depression, isolation and fear
Hello various forms of self-destructive behaviour such as addiction/unhealthy habits with food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex, self-harm, and low self-esteem.
Hello perfectionism and negative core beliefs, such as feeling worthless or broken.
Hello chronic pain and fatigue, hello difficulties with sleep
Hello the need to exert power over others to maintain a sense of power within oneself
Hello black and white thinking, righteousness and showing contempt towards others
Hello unrealisitic high demands of yourself and others – needing to achieve 10000 steps per day in order to feel good about yourself and berating yourself if you don’t
Hello excessive talking (hiding behind a stream of words)
Hello repeated loss of friendships or relationships
Hello having experiences that you have no memory of
Hello narcistic tendencies – telling the world how wonderful you are, or aren’t
Hello the need to blame and shame others, gossiping, putting others down.
Hello unable to make or maintain eye contact
Hello panic attacks
Hello people pleasing to an unreasonable amount, for example, ALL the time
Hello short tempered, easily angered, or easily emotionally injured
Hello internal conflict that does not go away

Core beliefs that people with trauma might hold:

I must be perfect
I am bad
I am shameful
I am not allowed to make mistakes
I cannot manage things
I am always right
I am not likable
I am worthless
I am an embarrassment
I am powerless
I am broken

The reality is, we’re all affected. There may be someone out there that doesn’t have trauma or trauma responses, I just haven’t met them yet.

So trauma is a deeply personal experience that affects our inner world. It can have long-lasting effects on our mental and physical well-being. Recognising and understanding the signs of trauma is the first step towards healing and recovery.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Perhaps you have the resources and the position in society where you can shield yourself and never need to do the inner work. Where you can sit in your ivory tower built of trauma blocks and look down upon those ‘below’ you. Where you look down on those that don’t fit into your mold of what a human being should look like. Or be attracted to. How they should express themselves and what they should and shouldn’t do with their body (and if any of this rings true for you, I invite you to look into your past and identify when you were given that exact same message, look for those early times that you weren’t acceptable or accepted for being you, that moment or moments when you were wronged for being you.)

The question is, do you have the courage to face yourself?

You’re inner world can become a nice place to live.

Jean Allison Coaching is a unique system enabling you to embody a greater sense of self and create a warmer, more loving inner world.

Through a trama-informed approach, you’ll find yourself deeply accepted, understood and held within a space of safety. Perhaps for the first time in your life.

“I cannot imagine what my life would be like without Jean's influence. I always felt completely at ease around her. There is a very peaceful realness about Jean that makes even her moments of silence powerful and gripping. In her presence, I experienced a strong urge to let my guards down and reveal myself to myself as well as her. There aren’t many places where we can practice being authentic. There is something about Jean that invites you and pulls you, with just the right amount of force, towards being more open, honest and free. That may not be an easy place to be in for everyone but if you would appreciate the guidance to truly explore and reconnect with yourself on a deeper level, in a completely safe, loving and compassionate environment, then I believe Jean will be the perfect fit for you.”

Huda M